that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
