I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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