do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
