dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
