i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
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That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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