I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
