Small penises have feelings too.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
