you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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