I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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