so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
