I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
