thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
