hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
