Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
