woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
