All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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