he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
