I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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