booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
