she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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