i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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