dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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