Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
