I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
