im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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