someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
