Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
