My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
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i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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