i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
