honey bunches of taint.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
