tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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