They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
