Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
