But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
