Moan for me like Helen Keller
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
