Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize