he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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