Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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