I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How does one acquire holy water?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
