Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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