Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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