I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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