I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
