so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize