party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
