My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
