Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
