Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
