my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
