after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
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there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
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I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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