life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
