Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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