bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
