hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
