the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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