Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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