Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
