found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
