bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I want her autograph on my taint
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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