put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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