So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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